My Dog Ate My Homework

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My dog ate my homework
 
He doesn't know what he's done
 
He's forced me to defend myself 

With what is essentially a pun

I asked him why'd he do it 

He started licking his butt

It angered me more 

This non-explanation 

For my rut

I yelled at him fiercely 

Coupled with a mean stare

He cocked up his leg 

And peed on the chair

I asked him 

Hadn't I always given him?

Chicken soup for the soul 

He barked at me once 

Then pushed forward his bowl

I told him 

This was unacceptable behavior 

And I would put away 

Forever!

His leash with "Sparky" 

Monikered strap

He jumped up on my sofa 

Undeterred 

And settled in for 

His mid-morning nap

Thanksgiving Family Tradition

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My sons eyes opened wide 

When I pulled on the slide

On the airplanes

Opening door partition

I had took the time

Without being sublime

To explain the Reith Family's

Thanksgiving tradition

Maybe he had thought it pure jest

His bulging eyes processed

As his parachute opened

His twisting face wore a look of derision

His body had spun

His look registered stunned!

Like this was some kind of

Unreasonable decision?

It was expected of the youngest born

Before Thanksgiving morn

To bring back from the nearest forest

A bird

After a mighty and fierce war

With piles of blood spilled

Galore!

He put on a look

That I mistook

As if my demands

Are patently absurd

After the last desperate howl

Of the game but defeated fowl

He would drag the beast back

To where we were currently living

And as hard as he was able

Slam it down!

On the dinner table

And holler loudly

For all to hear!

To All!

A Happy Thanksgiving!


If Wishes Were Horses

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If wishes were horses

Than beggars might ride

Then men would not intend

To be as lions

Vanquishing another’s pride

If wishes were horses

Than beggars might ride

Then men

Would be the Emperor penguin

Braving the winter cold

To stand by his hatchling’s side

If wishes were horses

Than beggars might ride

Then sin

Would vanish in the wind

Crushed by eagles talons

As they fly

If wishes were horses

Than beggars might ride

Then men would be heaven sent

And the violence would subside

Black Friday

When the dark moon arises

And the neon signs

Beckon you to stare

Do you venture out

Into this strange

Consumer shopping world

Where ravenous shopping zombies

Await if you dare

It is only for the very bold

And strongest

Those who can get pushed around

Without the slightest of care

But if you make it through

This frenzied aisled gauntlet

There awaits mega riches

Beyond all compare

You have waited all year

For this precise moment

Through many hardships

You have struggled

Yet survived

You will prevail!

Set your sale

Ladies and Gentleman

Bon Voyage!

Black Friday

The Shopping High Day

At last

Alas has arrived!





Blackbeard

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Aye here's a man

Plenty were moved to beseech

You didn’t want to meet

On your day at the beach

The Americas were all

Within his Reach

He spilled more Blood

Than a Million Carnivorous Leech

Goes by the Name of Edward Teach

The Royal Land of Britain

Is Where He was Reared

For all Seafarers Very Feared

Soil your Bottom’s

If it’s His Name You Heared

The Long-braided Pirate

Who was known as Blackbeard

Spring Forth Thine Glory




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Why have you forsaken us?

O season of bloom

What manner of transformation 

Do you seek?

Your concealing actions

In these cloud swept skies

Speaks to deception my Lord

As your humble servant

I beg of you

To please return 

To your former constitution

Which bringeth not only I

But the beasts of burden 

And all the buzzing creatures

Plus the wondrous soaring birds

Swooping in like rabble-rousers 

To a long lost love!

Happiness!

Hear our cries

O season of hope

And bring forth your glory

Your Manifest Destiny

To bring life and sustenance

To us all